Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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