somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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