i'm signing you up for texting rehab
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
