how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I AM VODKA MAN
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I need to calm my uterus...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
