I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
