you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Randomize
