At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
