I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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