is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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