I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
home. puking in laundry basket.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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