I just saw a hot homeless man
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
