can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
