from now on my penis is your penis
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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