How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize