I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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