Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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