Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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