Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
