Already got asked if we're dating
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Randomize
