ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
she peed on how many people?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
