Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Then you guys just all showered together...?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
