at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
