It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Fuck appropriateness.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
