You're so nebulous sometimes
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
