I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
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