I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
