Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
