So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
