i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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