i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
