WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
