I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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