Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
