she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize