Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
