also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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