Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
