You made me cry and you don't even care
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
When did angry sex become our thing?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
