4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
