I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize