And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
