No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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