butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
