Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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