yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Sorry about my life...
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
