You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
this is an emotional support booty call
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
