just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Randomize
