Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
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Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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