She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
