I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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