Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
