i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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