____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
