i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
