I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
