I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
