Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
