Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
