ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I will be naked everywhere
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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