I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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