I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
