Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
