just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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