She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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