For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
