If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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