I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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