Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
