so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
