We're facebook friends in real life
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
