Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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